Alright I'm about to admit that I need some help with something. If there are any Photoshop wizards out there that can deal with me asking dumb questions, would ya please tell me? AIM works too. [cutest look]
If anyone out there on a Mac would be so kind as to do me a favor, please email me. I would reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally appreciate it.
I glanced at myself in the mirror today in the bathroom at work and I stopped dead in my tracks. I kept staring at my eyes. My eyes are sad. I honestly can't remember ever seeing that sadness in my own eyes; I've seen it in plenty of others' but never my own. I wasn't even crying yet.
It started when a customer called me stupid today...three times. I got teary then.
It continued when I had this conversation:
coworker: Erica you're ordering CDs?! I thought you just bid on shoes off of eBay!
I got teary and I think he saw that.
My tears continued when I got home and my long distance was cut off. I just paid the bill two weeks ago. Everyone I call is long distance or zone. I can't call anyone even if I did have someone to call. The customer service representative at my long distance company's name is Juan. I can't understand what he is saying. I think he wants more money but I just don't know.
So I'm sitting here crying. I haven't cried like this in a while...over apparently nothing.
I've been thinking a lot about religion lately. I don't feel content. There is nothing that I can hold on to when I need. I have nothing fuzzy to hold to my cheek and comfort me when I cry. I don't need a wheelchair to take me through every step in life, but sometimes I need a crutch.
Perhaps this is my main problem lately. I haven't allowed myself any sort of spiritual outlet.
I need to meditate. I need to walk through the warm green garden path in my mind. I have the urge to smell the tulips filled with oppurtunity as the breeze of change gently kisses my cheek then slides on. I've all but forgotten my sturdy cobblestone throne; that's where I sit when I need to pull in the wild horses of my thoughts. The aromatic flower crown always rests on the arm of my throne; it waits there, content, until I'm ready to wear it again. I think I'm ready. The black bird hasn't heard from me in a while. I'm sure he has a lot to say; I just need to listen.
I need to listen.
We were talking about that this morning, Zal, here at work. I said, "That new Mac is cool enough to convert me."
Email this asshole for what he said to Zuba. I did.
Google search: hardcore+mermaids
There is nothing I can say to that.
These are the books I have piled on my desk and I'm too lazy to put up links to Amazon.com:
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
Now I know that says a lot about me.
"I have opposable thumbs," boasted Eric Baer, a crafty participant in a Brag Therapy session I hosted in Milwaukee. "I can read. I breathe all the way through the night even though I'm asleep. I have access to emporiums where I can choose from 75 different brands of toilet paper. I know how to turn food into energy. I live where knuckleheads run everything and yet nothing ever blows up."
I wish I could think like that.
This week is my two month anniversary of my blog. Wippy wippy ding ding. Obviously I'm still really new to this whole genre but there are a few things that I've learned.
~The Power Bloggers List is a 'losers' list, yet I get at least a few hits a day from there.
I want I want I want I want I want!
Hello heartburn!? haha!
I told a friend once, "If I breathe wrong I get heartburn" and the sad thing is...it's true.
Big feet and a balance problem? haha
Alright I admit it...I AM A KLUTZ. That sounds better than 'balance impaired' or 'gravity challenged'.
To expand on the 'turtle back and bambi legs' thing...
Imagine a big chick falling on a patch of ice outside of a movie theater and then trying to get up. She has to scoot her fat butt over to the edge of the ice before she can even attempt to stand. Scooting like a toddler. On her ass. On ice. In the cold. Imagine, now, that this girl has a particularly sore ass by this time and trying to stand smarts. The girl's legs don't really want to get up, but she is so embarassed that she has to force herself to stand...just like Bambi.
Just sit back in your chair there and picture that. I promise if you do it right you'll be laughing by 30 seconds.
Patti you made me cry, damn it! That is a fantastically lovely and touching story. Most times these days people get so wrapped up in the flowers and the dress and the catering and the pomp and circumstance of a wedding they forget what it's really all about. It's all about the love, baby. You did it right. I hope (if I ever fall in love so deeply as I feel the need to marry) that my wedding is rich in all the same elements as yours.
Congratulations to the both of you.
Zuba I can't get to davidgagne.net today either. And here I thought it was just me.
I would like to publically thank Zuba for announcing to the entire world that I am a klutz. Thank you. All I have to say is HAWAII, baby. What's the number to the Red Rock?
Alright so I have a tendancy to fall. I think it has everything to do with the fact that I have huge size 11 feet that seem to rebel against me at any given moment. As a matter of fact, just this morning I tripped on apparently nothing in the break room. I did the same thing last week and a man said to me, "Are you okay? You better spit that gum out." I think that was one of the funniest things anyone's ever said to me after a trip.
I did, indeed, fall into the fish pond at an early age. I was clawing and scratching my way up the algae ridden side of the pool, getting bloody knees and elbows the entire time. My grandparents were too busy laughing to help me out. My cousin, in all his infinite wisdom, told me to hold on because he took a class at the YMCA or whatever and he learned that you should give the person in the water a stick or a branch or something rather than extending your arm...I guess the drowning person can pull you in or whatever. I waited. In the pool. Bloody. Getting nibbled on by big fatty daddy rainbow trout while my cousin searched for a branch.
I do not eat anything that has ever lived in the water.
I tripped in the middle of the Chi Chi's bar on a busy Friday night. I went to get up to go to the bathroom and my foot got caught on my purse strap. I hopped. Tina laughed.
Just this past January...mind you I LIVE IN FUCKING MICHIGAN and we get ICE here...I fell outside of a movie theater where my sister and I had just seen Girl, Inturrupted. We were talking about the movie. She was about two steps ahead of me. The next thing I know I was on the ground and people I didn't know were around me telling me I should sue rather than asking me if I was okay. Quite the commentary on society, I think. Tina still laughs her ass off when this incident is mentioned.
That's okay though cause Tina fell down the hill at Pine Knob(Pine Knob is an outdoor concert venue near us.)on Saturday while she was at the Tragically Hip concert. Karma, baby.
How much does this make me laugh? OH oh oh so much. Barbie in a power suit goin to the GOP convention. Good gravy...what is this world coming to?
blatently stolen from rebekah.org.
I was starting to get disheartened, but The Death Peach is rolling again. Hooooohah!
Today is a ponytail day...oh yes it is. Not only does my hair look like crap, but I'm too lazy to care that it does.
I wish I wasn't here today. I hate coming here. 'Specially today. I've noticed that I feel like that every day lately. Tis time to get a new damn job.
I bought two bras, two shirts, and two pair of tights last night. Everything is great except one of the bras..it was marked DD but the tag on the inside is a C. I held it up and wondered why it looked small. Now I have to take it back...grrr.
My wrists are feeling better today. I slept with my splints on last night. It was hard to get comfortable, but I managed. I was wicked tired and crabby. I slept almost eight hours last night but I'm still not feeling right. I think it's because I've been riding an emotional roller coaster this past week.
I thought of more useless facts that I know no one is interested in but I want to share anyhow.
~I once fell into a fish pond at a DNR hatchery. I was scarred for life by the experience of having four foot long rainbow trout nibble on me like a snack.
I'm a sheep. Hear me baaaaaaaaah my 24 useless facts just like everyone else.
1. I am 24 years old.
Have I mentioned lately how much I dig my boss? Sometimes I forget to stress how much that guy rules.
I worked 4 hours overtime last night and he walks up to me today with a big white envelope containing $125 worth of American Express gift checks. Rock on, Jeff. Thanks.
Hi my name is Erica and I'm an eBay addict.
I was doing so well. I was on the damn wagon. I didn't even look at a single catagory on my favorites for almost two months until today. Zuba sends me one link and the next thing I know, I'm bidding and searching and wading through screens full of crap.
For the record, Zuba did not introduce me to eBay in general. She introduced me to the joys of eBay when it comes to looking for clothes and shoes. I was already purchasing way too much Sailor Moon crap way before she told me about it. Did you know there are Sailor Moon pot and pan sets out there? I knew that cause I almost bought one, but I bought the utensil set instead.
Zuba's right. She's evil evil evil for reminding me of the joys of eBay. It was horrible a few months ago when we were both bidding like mad. She's about three inches taller than I am but we wear just about the same sizes in just about everything from shoes to bras. I'd look at something really cute on eBay and go to bid on it and say, "FUCK Zuba already bid on that damn it!" and tell her that if she didn't really really want it to let me outbid her. We'd email links to each other with messages like, "You need this" when neither of us really needed anything else. Sad.
I wish she'd just send me The Erica Box already cause she keeps telling me about all the cute stuff that is too short or doesn't fit her right that will look sooooo good on me and it's bugging me! ;)
So I only bid on one pair of shoes today. My max bid was 20 bucks. That's not bad, right?
So I picked up my new wrist splints on my lunch today. OH good gravy they're horrible. I can NOT type when I'm wearing them. Ugh. Good thing I only have to wear them primarily at night. I'll have to learn to sleep with them. sigh.
This guy in my office asked me if I felt like Wonder Woman with them on...my new splints apparently remind him of her wrist guard things.Wonder Woman comes up too much in my life.
Fuck this I've got to take these things off.
There's a tour coming through our office again today. This time, though, I was chosen for the prospective clients to listen in to my phone calls. Looooovely. They were supposed to be around here an hour ago but no sign of them yet.
Yeah so Zuba was really right when she said that working OT would just make my wrists hurt. Owwwww.
See. Told you I'm a wimpity wimp.
But, as someone at work so aptly put it...cash money outweighs pain anyday...'specially when you be broke.
Oh and Zuba...I got a way lower score than you on the purity test.
Thou hast scored only 10% pure. Thou suckest in the eyes of thy Lord. Repent now or be cast into the lake of fire to whine for all eternity.
I just got a call from Sarah at the medical supply store that is supplying me with my new wrist splints. Finally after five fucking days I can go pick them up. Oh they are only open from 9-5:30 weekdays. Who can go there during those hours? For crying out loud some things just do not make sense.
This is, of course, after I placed a call to her on Friday, one call on Monday, a call to her this morning, a call to the HMO this afternoon, another call to her after I got off the phone with the HMO, and another follow up call a half hour later. A half hour after I call her the last time she calls me with the "I got the auth" message. I knew you'd get the auth the entire time, you dumbass. My doctor wrote a prescription for the damn things. I have good medical coverage. She should have just given me the things and let me call it a day when I first went there on Friday morning.
So here I am, five fucking days later with no strength in my wrists and no tolerance for it any more. There's nothing more the doctor can do until I have THE TEST next Thursday. I'm really nervous about THE TEST. They have to shock me and poke me with needles up and down both of my arms. My sister had the same TEST done yesterday and when I called her to see how it went she started crying. She said it was the worst thing she ever had to go through and that it is really painful and "Don't go Erica! Save yourself!" and that she wanted to leave after the first two seconds. This girl's endured a lot of physical pain and is in no way a wimp. I, however, am a big wimpy wimp and whined the entire time after I had my foot surgery. That sunovabitch hurt. I'm not so good with the whole pain thing. I told my doctor that once as he was removing a piece of glass from my foot and he said, "I see three tattoos on that body. I don't want to hear anything about a little pain." Fucktard doesn't understand that self inflicted tattoo pain is not nearly the same as your arms feeling like they're made out of hot crackled rubber.
Amy called me a little bit ago on the virge of tears. She went to a place that shall remain nameless and got her hair cut. TOTAL hack job from what she said. Amy's hair was really long. She told the hairdresser to leave the length to just above her bra strap. It is now to her shoulders. She was really upset too that the "layers" in her hair weren't right...they were all uneven. So Amy called me and asked if I could get her an appt with my hairdresser...and I did. I hope Catherine can fix Amy's hair! *crossing fingers*
More digs on Eminem...this site is almost as good as The Onion!
I love the fake banner ads...RetardedMonkeyJobs.com!
I AM NOT A LOSER!
I hate my job today. I hate hate hate it more than usual. Usually, the people here are my saving grace but today they're just making it worse. As a matter of fact, I think they are the entire problem.
My arms and hands are shaking because they are so weak. It takes so much energy just to type.
It's okay Zuba, I wore my Wonder Woman underoos all the time too. I always thought she was so pretty but she could still kick so much ass.
And a jump rope is the only obvious substitute for a real lasso of truth.
I smell onions. Taco Bell sorta onion smell. It's not exactly pleasant and comforting sort of a smell, but it's making me hungry in a weird sort of way.
I'm going to work some OT tonight I think. First I'm going to work through my lunch, then stay at least till 9 or 10 working OT. I can really use the extra money and I need to take advantage of it while I can.
My wrists hurt so bad I'm having a hard time typing. I'm making a ton of really weird mistakes...like typing a b instead of an i. It's scaring me.
Just keep your mouth shut, Erica...just keep your mouth shut.
Don't tell the guy off in your office that wants you to screen his calls.
Just do it and keep your damn mouth shut.
I wish I didn't have to work today or any day ever again in my life.
I wish F was not so far away.
I wish my tummy was not so big.
I wish my bank account was not so small.
I wish my loafers didn't need replacing.
I wish my wrists didn't hurt every day.
I wish Pepsi didn't have so many empty calories.
I wish I could get 8 hours of uninturrupted sleep every night.
I wish the nurses at my doctor's office would just let me talk to the doctor when I call.
I wish Project Bobo didn't end like it did.
I wish the past four days weren't so emotionally draining.
I wish I got more email.
I wish I remembered all of the sign language I've learned.
I wish I had perfect credit.
I wish I could get nailpolish to stay on for more than one day without chipping.
I wish there was no such thing as being late.
I wish I could go camping and reconnect.
I wish I had the guts to call my old friends.
I wish my new friends weren't so far away.
Well, the boxes of plasticware in my office are closed. They have no pictures or words on the outside. It just seems like I always go directly for the box of knives no matter what I'm looking for. What's even funnier is watching me try and seach for a damn salt packet amongst the sugars and peppers and Sweet N Lows. The people in my office are so lazy. Don't they know Sweet N Low and pepper should never ever commune?
Say goodnight Bobo.
FOUR...count 'em FOUR days in a row now I've gotten referrals from search engines where someone typed something about women peeing standing up. FOUR DAYS IN A ROW. *slaps forehead*
I just knew that Zuba was going to bring up the trampoline. She kept calling me crack head. Let me explain...
I was on the phone with her, waiting for my sisters to arrive. I got the urge to go to the back yard and lay...just lay...on the trampoline. I laid there for, oh about two seconds. I then decided that I needed to jump. So I did. I jumped while the phone was up to my ear. Zuba was cracking up and calling me a crackhead and saying things like, "You're gonna get the phone in your eye" cause I didn't think that I'd get hurt at that moment. I didn't. I jumped once and decided that I'd had enough exercise for the day.
I think I jumped a total of three times. Way above and beyond the call of exercise duty. heehee
This only happens to me with knives.
Note to everyone and anyone that calls an 800 number:
If you ask a question and expect an answer...LISTEN to what the person is telling you. We are people. We have feelings. Answering the same exact question 5 times in the span of a 6 minute and 37 second phone call is FRUSTRATING. When we get frustrated we get angry. When we get angry we get snippy with customers. When we get snippy with customers...YOU SUFFER. See? It's a big circle.
Only you can prevent angry phone people.
It occured to me while on the phone with Zuba yesterday that I don't get enough email. I'm gonna ask now.
My eyes are heavy and stinging.
My sisters left rather late...about 11:30...and I was already tired. We'd been laughing so hard that my cheeks and stomach were sore. I didn't mind much. I needed to laugh like that. It's not rare that I laugh out loud, but it is rare that I laugh to the point of muscle ache. It's so damn freeing. The great thing is that I don't even know what we were laughing about. At first we were laughing about the pictures that I spliced together in Photoshop. It got to the point, though, that we couldn't laugh about it any more because there was nothing more that could be said. It was just funny and we all knew it. Three files and about two hours later (give me a break...we kept cracking up), the three of us sort of let out a collective sigh. Not much was said for the next couple of minutes; we were all sort of basking in the moment of being together and having so much fun. See, we all live apart from one another. I live farthest, then Tina about 40 minutes from me, and then Claudia an hour from her. I miss them. I miss the nights when we would stay up just giggling at apparently nothing. I miss the games we used to play as kids where my bed was "safe". I miss when we would hug each other and cry. I guess it's just that I miss being in their lives every day.
So we were sitting there, contemplating what we had just done, when I asked Claudia if she'd read what Tina wrote in my guestbook. She hadn't, so I went and read it to her. Claudia started asking me about this here site. I showed her the different things I've done with it, including the random shot to the right there. Lightbulb! I want the three of us on there to capture the fun we'd had. I turn on the cam software. Tina says, "Look there you are!" and giggles. That was all she wrote. We were like a bunch of kids playing with a toy. We made funny faces, gave each other bunny ears, stuck out our tongues, and laughed laughed laughed. No matter how hard we tried, none of us could keep a straight face. Tina laughed. I laughed. Claudia laughed. It's been so long since I saw them laugh like that. Hell, it's been so long since I laughed like that. It was unbelievably therapudic.
So they left and there I was, in my computer chair all alone again. I was so happy that we'd just had a great evening together, but sad at the same time. Sad because I miss them and sad because I should laugh like that more often. Sad because they both deserve to laugh like that more often.
I putzed around on the computer for a few minutes until I realized how heavy my eyelids felt. Since I was now aware of this situation, I decided it best to go to sleep. It was now 12:20.
I tossed and turned for a good 45 minutes. I know because my clock radio turned off while I was still awake. I usually set it for 30 minutes. I turned it back on. I fluffed my pillows. I turned on my side, then on my back. Covers on, covers off, legs out, legs tucked in. I kept telling my brain to shut down, damn it, just shut down. It wasn't listening to me. I hate that my brain is so damn disobiedient.
See, I was worrying about my sisters. I was worrying that Claudia was never going to be truely happy. I was worrying that Tina was going to have to take a job that she hates and I was pissed because she deserves better. I was thinking about how lucky I am to have them in my life, but mad because I couldn't see them more often. I was wondering what our lives would be like in ten years. Who would have a baby first? I hope we all live near one another so we can always have dinner on Sundays. Maybe Claudia and I really should move in together; we'd make great room mates. I worry about her a lot. I worry about Tina too.
And then I started to cry out of frustration and anger...frustration that I couldn't sleep and frustration for Tina and her job situation and anger that I couldn't sleep and anger for Claudia and her arm situation. I cried for a good 45 minutes. I know this because my clock radio turned off again. I turned it back on.
So now it's somewhere in the two o'clock realm...I don't remember exactly. I put my head down on my pillow, stopped crying, and instantly fell asleep. I guess I fell asleep, because the next time I looked at the clock it was 3:42. I cursed the damn clock, got up, went to the bathroom (I know I've written about my middle of the night bathroom ritual before), and went back to bed. Fifteen minutes after four now; still not sleeping. Roll over. I guess I fell asleep again, but I woke up at 5:45. At least I'm consistant with my insomnia. Curse the clock. Curse the fact that I have to wake up in an hour and forty-five minutes. Roll over again. Wake up at 6:50. Curse. Roll over. 7:20...fuck it just get up.
So here I am at work with heavy stinging eyes, but it doesn't matter cause I am loved.
Having sisters is the best.
Tina and Claudia came over for dinner tonight. I made a full big meal, which isn't something that I do normally just for myself. I'm actually surprised that the both of them enjoyed it as much as they did. Amy said, "I see you are putting all of your quality TV time to use" because she knows how much I love FoodTV. She thinks I'm weird but I do not care. Food TV rules.
Afterwards, we were sitting here just talking and talk led to the computer. Claudia signed up for an an email account. Well, Tina actually did it for her...but whatever. I don't even know how it happened, but we started talking about my cousin Cari and the concert they all went to last night. They were telling me how much Cari flipped out cause she loves Gord. Our devious minds started clicking and the next thing I knew, I was searching for pictures of sausage. If you want to see what I did in Photoshop, click on these. Trust me; its funny.
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